Lithium
by Krait
Summary: Song Fic One-Shot Sayu wants to keep the memories of her brother. Yet, she wants to let them go.


**DISCLAIMER:**** I DON'T OWN DEATH NOTE. I DON'T OWN THE SONG.**

**---**

**Lithium**

_Lithium- Don't wanna lock me up inside_

_Lithium- Don't wanna forget how it feels without_

_Lithium- I wanna stay in love with my sorrow_

_Oh, but God, I wanna let it go._

Sayu didn't want to live to look at the future. She wanted to live with her memories; those memories of her and her family. Her mother, her father… And Light.

Sayu knew she was –metaphorically- in love with her older brother. He was always there for her; helping her with her homework, listening to her complaints and giving her advices, and basically, just smiling at her.

But, deep inside, Sayu knew that this wouldn't last forever. She hated to admit it, but she had to let go of her brother. She had to release the love she had for Light.

_Come to bed, don't let me sleep alone_

_Couldn't hide the emptiness; you let it show_

_Never wanted it to be so cold_

_Just didn't drink enough to say you love me._

_I can't hold on to me_

_Wonder what's wrong with me?_

Sayu didn't want to be secluded; without her brother. But she knew she had to eventually let him go.

No. It wasn't because of Misa. The fact that Light had a girlfriend now didn't mean Sayu had to forget her brother. No. Sayu knew there was something more. The brown haired girl saw the bare look of Light's eyes. Empty and cold.

"Do you love me?" she asked once, her face red in embarrassment. It wasn't common to ask that.

Light just looked ant her for some seconds (to Sayu, it felt like an eternity) until he cracked a smile.

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

Lies. He was lying. He didn't love her. And Sayu was abruptly shaken by this fact.

If she could just figure out why she felt like that.

_Lithium- Don't wanna lock me up inside_

_Lithium- Don't wanna forget how it feels without_

_Lithium- I wanna stay in love with my sorrow_

_Oh, but God, I wanna let it go._

She didn't want to forget those precious moments with Light. She didn't want her memories to scatter through her grip.

"You were close to your brother." the white haired boy in front of her pointed out, as he played with the puppet in his hands, his face expressionless.

Thank you, captain obvious.

Sayu wanted to get up and leave. But she couldn't. She was bound to the wheelchair. She was to be forever chained to that horrible artifact because her legs couldn't work. Her voice couldn't function either. Just like her love and lack of logic for Light.

_Don't wanna let it lay me down this time_

_Drown my will to fly_

_Here in the darkness I know myself_

_Can't break free until I let it go;_

_Let me go_

Sayu didn't want this emotional crisis ruin the rest of her life. She didn't want to give up on the rest of her existence.

But it didn't matter either. She didn't have anything to live for. Her life was bleak.

She knew that she had to let go of her memories in order to recuperate.

She tried to let the go. But she came to the conclusion that _he_ didn't leave her.

_Darling, I forgive you after all_

_Anything is better than to be alone_

_And in the end I guess I had to fall_

_Always find my place among the ashes_

_I can't hold on to me_

_Wonder what's wrong with me?_

"You're brother was Kira." Near said, pulling the strings of his puppet. He didn't really care about Sayu's reaction. He only thought it was fair for her to know.

But Sayu didn't care. She had already lost all of her sanity, so she thought that even if Light was Kira, she could forgive him. He had done a favor to humanity. Be it out of a sense of revolution or just plain boredom, she didn't care.

Anything was better than living without Light. Near could say all he wanted. Sayu knew that the albino wasn't lying, but still, Sayu _did not care_.

She had to plunge, yes. She had failed at life. It was because she was 'in love' with her brother.

She would always find a little bit of happiness in her memories. The fact that Kira was none other than her brother didn't matter to Sayu. Light was Light. Sayu's brother. That was enough.

Then, why was she crying?

_Lithium- Don't wanna lock me up inside_

_Lithium- Don't wanna forget how it feels without_

_Lithium- I wanna stay in love with my sorrow_

_Oh, but God, I wanna let it go._

She wasn't going to forget her brother. She didn't want overlook how she felt when she was with Light. His smile, his hair, his personality… Sayu wanted all of that to stay in her mind.

But she also wanted to let go.

---

**A/N:** It was about time I wrote something. Sorry for being away for so long.

Anyways, I was listening to my friend's MP3 and he happened to have this song and I heard it. Then I became obsessed with it. And this song reminded me of Sayu. You know, I think Sayu became bipolar after the series and I know that doctors treat this disorder with Lithium pills. And so this story came to be.

I hope you liked it.

Please review!

Thanks.

Death Note © Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata

Lithium (song) © Evanescence

Fic © me


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